PISS-TEST (Philosophically Intensive Social Studies-Test of Education for Students of Taiwan)

Posted in Articles on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

SEE IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO PASS DR. JANSEN’S LATEST EXAM…THE PISS-TEST (PHILOSOPHICALLY INTENSIVE SOCIAL STUDIES-TEST of EDUCATION for STUDENTS of TAIWAN)

INTRODUCTION:

As a professional social studies teacher in an American overseas highschool, I consider it my personal responsibility to prepare my Taiwanese students for entrance into American Universities. It is my sincerest hope and desire to give them the academic tools they will need in order to be successful as they face the rigors of an academic career in a foreign country. But this is no small task. Therefore, I have developed a social studies exam that will not only test their social studies knowledge, but also their philosophical and psychological aptitude.

There are 3 essay questions and only one multiple choice question. Because I want to develop a test that is fair yet subjective and challenging, I invite you to read this exam and give me your honest feedback.

TEST

QUESTION #1

Please write 2 separate essays (minimum 25 pages each) on the concept of “substantial insubstantiality.” Prepare a well-developed thesis for each essay, and make sure they contradict eachother.

QUESTION #2

As a Taiwanese student attending your first year of college in a foreign country, you will face many challenges. Which of the following do you feel will cause you the most difficulty?

A) the sudden onset of emotionally charged, truculent spontaneity

B) loneliness caused by the turbulent effects of circumstantial randomness and the often resulting velocity of hideously deconstructive triangular expansion

C) depressions that are known to follow from initial acknowledgement of the non-permanence of continuously accumulating insignificant (yet abruptly restrictive) daily occurrences of conflictive reversibility

OR…

D) confused feelings caused by either chronic perpetual awareness of consumptively ludicrous deniability … or possibly even pre-mature neurotic rejection of prominently-manifestive eventuality and the accompanying realization of undeniably absurd congruency.

(please be honest in your response…your answers will be kept confidential)

*Special Note:
I will hold an after-hours session in my office for those students who have not prematurely (or neurotically) rejected the notion of prominently manifestive eventuality and still feel that they are capable of attaining fidelity with undeniably absurd congruency…yet find themselves emotionally vulnerable because they have difficulty accepting deniably incongruent absurdity

QUESTION #3

A) Please write a brief essay of about 200 words in which you discuss the philosophical foundations, as well as the intricate theoretical underpinnings, of the argument posed by post-modern anti-nihilists that the outbreak of the American Civil War, the formation of the “red spot” on Jupiter, and the discovery that the Lockness Monster is fake…are, in fact, the 3 most important events in human history and that these 3 events are not random, but significantly related to eachother in terms of their political, social, and religious implications.

B) Examine the causes and effects of these 3 events, describe how each event relates to the other 2, and explain how these 3 events have had an impact in your life and how you perceive that they will affect your future relationships. Throughout your essay, be sure to cite specific examples based on the empirical research findings of 4 scientists, 5 theologians, and 7 rehabilitated alcoholic ex-Catholic Protestants, 4 of whom have performed at least one exorcism at one point in their careers.

*(if this essay goes beyond the 200 word limit, your grade will drop by 25%)

and finally…

QUESTION #4

What does Blue smell like?

If-Then Statements…Korean Style

Posted in Articles, Korea-Inspired Material on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

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I asked my students to create some “if then” statements because I wanted them to reveal their logic in English words. This is what they came up with…

If someone kill you…then you die

If you kill someone…then you go to prison or die

If you jump from building’s roof…then you hurt a lot

If you have a car…then you must give to government a tax

Dissatisfactly, If you are a foreigner…then you draw a distinction by people

If I study English hard…then I will talk well by English

If there is hurricane…then I will crazy

If I can’t have my spirit…then I feel confusion a lot

If it wind…then the tree and anything will be fly

If you hit me…then I hit you, too

If you watch TV…then you will be fun

If you catch the ball…then your team is win

If I have ball…then I will exercise the soccer

If I have brain…then I will study English

If it winds…then the people is die

If it rains…then the many building destroy

If it strange winds…then many people will be dangerous

If you leave here…then I’m sad

If I don’t study…then my test is bad

If she hate me…then I’m sad

If you like me…then I’m so happy

If I buy game player…then I’m so fun

If I get some pocket-money…then I will buy many snack

If you give us little homework…then we will be happy

If my glasses are break…then I can’t see anything

If I hit you…then you will be die

If I call you every day…then you will be happy

If you play computer game a lot…then you will be stupid…

and finally….from the notebook of the sweetest, prettiest, cutest, and most innocent-looking little girl in the classroom…

If I have a dog…then I will eat the dog

So much for Fluffy….

SPIDERMAN AND NOODLEMAN

Posted in Articles, Korea-Inspired Material on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

A Story About A True Hero

Throughout the history of literature, stories have had the power to spread knowledge, inspire people, and evoke the deepest of human emotion. In fact, some of the greatest wisdom can be found in short stories. The words and details of a good short story can dance gracefully through our minds and give us the wings of knowledge by which we can soar through the very heavens above.

The deep passion I have for short stories inspired me to give my Korean students a special homework assignment. I asked them to write their own short stories.

They wrote many interesting stories, but there was one story that stood out among the rest.  (It was written by the prettiest, most adorable little Korean girl in the entire class.  She looked like an absolute doll.  I’ll never forget her cute, innocent, and expressionless face as she handed me her notebook.)   

It is a story about a true hero.  The details of the story magically bring the characters to life. I’m sure you will agree that this special story provides phenomenal details as it captures the true essence of what it really means to be a hero.

Here it is:

SPIDERMAN and NOODLEMAN

Spiderman and Noodleman is friend.
One day, Spiderman and Noodleman is fight.
And child shout, “Help, I can’t see any.”
Noodleman and Spiderman is hear that sound and go there.
Noodleman is help the child
But Spiderman is not brave.
So Noodleman is famous.

Noodleman say…”My noodle is not thin.”

The story left me speechless

What The Hell Was This Kid Trying To Say?

Posted in Articles, Korea-Inspired Material on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

Since I’ve been in Korea, I’ve run across many strange sayings. When the Korean language is translated into English, it often comes across as very odd because Korean words don’t always find their true counterpart in the English language. I also understand that the word patterning is different. (For example: in English we say “It is very sunny outside.” When the same sentence is spoken in Korean, the word patterning would come across as “Outside is very sunny.”) Korean and English are very different languages. Since I’ve been here, I’ve seen the following:

1. A Notebook that says:

“Be chic about a notebook. Tasty character is our best criterion”

(Well…I’m not chic and I don’t think notebooks are tasty)

2. A fast food restaurant with the logo:

“Enjoy deliciously, good food and happy time”

(Does that mean I get a blow job after my meal???)

and…

3. A bar called:

“No Name”

(Right…probably no business either)

Anyway, I have now run across something that has me completely baffled and speechless. A true riddle wrapped in an enigma. I asked my students to take out a piece of paper and write a short paragraph describing their personalities. This is what one of them wrote:

“My personality is dirty and smell…
because I like to violent…
I play to hit the my friend…
and we play at the pc room…
so we use bad speak (for example ㄳ ㅑㅗㅎ)…
My friend is violent…
My personality is very very dirty…
Ok, yes…
Describe is shark.”

and people wonder why I drink…

Cause and Effect…Korean Style

Posted in Articles, Korea-Inspired Material on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

I asked my older Korean students to write short essays dealing with “Cause and Effect.” In other words, they had to write about some type of situation or event and describe the causes for that situation or event.

Please forgive the spelling errors as these are the ACTUAL WORDS that were written in my student’s journals.

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Before I introduce this first piece, I should explain that at the time…(Spring, 2008)…many Koreans were angry about Korean President Lee Myoung-Bak’s negotiation with President Bush to lift the ban on the importation of beef from the United States despite the risk of “mad cow disease.” Like I said, many Koreans were furious about this, and there were major demonstrations in Seoul that led to violence.

Essay #1

Title: “Cause and Effection”

“I’m write about Topic ’cause and effection.’ My topic is mad cow disease. In this situation, cause is FTA. Our President negotiation with America. We can imfort 30 month’s cow. In this cow has ‘mad cow disease.’ This disease means cow is mad. so if we eat this cow, we can be crazy and dead soon. so effection is our Korean is angry, so they have a demo. Thousands of people did demo. So this is cause and effection of mad cow disease.”

It is a well-known fact that Koreans study constantly and that they go to school day and night. It is not uncommon to see students walking home with their backpacks at 1:00 in the morning. It’s absolutely insane how much school they go through. They all go to regular day schools, but they also go to various “academies” after school, whether these are English academies, math academies, or science academies. Another odd fact about Korea is that prostitution is everywhere, especially in downtown areas. So basically, you have two things that are extremely abundant in any downtown area in Korea…academies and hookers. (One night, I was sitting outside of a GS-Mart drinking a beer and relaxing at about 1:30 in the morning. I watched three very drunk and loud hookers stagger down the street and around the corner. Then, I saw four middle-school students, each with backpacks, riding their bikes down the very same street and around the very same corner. (I mean…what the fuck!!! It was like watching a parade…first you see drunk hookers staggering down the street…and then you see tired students with backpacks right behind them.)

Anyway, I diverge. (I just wanted to talk about hookers for a while) Back to my original point. Korean students are under extreme academic pressure…

Essay #2

Title: The Final Test

“I finished the final test a few days ago. So, I felt very happy and good. But the feel was not continue. Next day I got report card. When I saw it, I dischourged. My grade was so poor. I studied very hard, but I didn’t got a grade I wanted. Why couldn’t I get? This time, I did my best. So I don’t want to be punish from my mother. I hid it. However she found it in my school bag. I said to my mother, “Mom, I’m sorry, I love you.” But she hit me all day long. I think its lucky that I didn’t die…I realized, Cause is always as same as Effect.”

I have no way of gracefully concluding this writing piece, so I’m going to go smoke a cigarette.

How a Simple Heart and a Helping Hand Can Go a Long Way

Posted in Articles on March 2, 2011 by Wesley Jansen

Introduction:

I have said a lot of negative things about teaching and working with kids. In the past four years, I have allowed a few bad experiences and my own negative attitude toward teaching continually fuel my perception of education as a meaningless endeavor. When I gained this realization, I immediately felt the overwhelming need to write this story so that I could share my true feelings. As a student of Education at UW-LaCrosse, I continually complained about all the difficult aspects of teaching middle school and high school students. As a student teacher and substitute teacher, I had focused so strongly on the negative aspects of teaching (such as the red tape, the hard work, and the low pay) and especially the negative aspects of the kids themselves (such as their rude behavior and their lack of interest). However, my experiences here in Korea, and especially my interaction with the Korean teachers, have drastically changed not only my attitude toward education but also my attitude toward life. I had no idea that my own true feelings about education had to be discovered by digging through layers upon layers of self-denial and negativity, just as an archaeologist must dig through layers upon layers of hardened soil to find a priceless artifact. I would like to share with you, the reader, a particular experience I have recently had here in Korea. I truly believe that my experience shows how the smallest acts of kindness can have such a tremendous ripple effect on the lives of those around you, and potentially the world as well.

This is a story about the reciprocal nature of positive thinking. It is a story about teaching and giving. It is a story about how I have changed as a person. Most importantly, it is a story about how this change has allowed me to have a tremendous impact on others.

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How a Simple Heart and a Helping Hand Can Go a Long Way

by

Wesley Jansen 

Before I arrived in Korea, I promised myself that after I finished my one-year English teaching contract, I would do whatever it took to get out of the world of teaching. Little did I know that I would meet the most kind-hearted and lovely Korean female teachers here. Their attitudes, their kindness, and their dedication to their students have served as a mirror that reflected and revealed to me the ugly nature of my futile and self-destructive negative attitude. Little did I know that they would inspire me to change, and little did I know that I would have an impact on them as well.

Of all the magnificent and mysterious places to visit in Korea, I must confess that the one place I cherish above the rest is the humble teacher’s lounge of the private English language school on the 4th floor of the “Sky Well-being Park Building” in the Sang Nam Dong province of Changwon City. (It is a school for elementary and middle school children. They attend evening classes after they finish their regular day school.) The teacher’s lounge is a relatively small work area that is just up a small flight of stairs from one of the hallways. In this lounge, we make lesson plans, grade papers, share experiences, practice learning each other’s language, and form lasting friendships.

There are about 10 female Korean teachers and 3 native English-speaking teachers, myself among them. These female Korean teachers are some of the most beautiful people on Earth. Although many of the students are difficult to work with, whether it be rudeness or a lack of willingness to participate, these wonderful teachers go to work everyday with the same love, enthusiasm, and dedication to their students. And I must say, just being around these teachers has radically changed my attitude. The kindness of their spirits is reflected in their beautiful, feminine, Korean voices. I wish I could fully describe the wonderful flow of the rhythm and sound of the Korean language they speak. I could find eternal happiness from listening to their soft, pretty voices as they laugh gently and gracefully, and as they offer words of sweet kindness with every opportunity. Their harmonious voices dance briskly and sweetly through the air and fill my soul with glee and the blessed realization that the most beautiful things in life will find us if we want them to. Their ever-present kindness and sincerity almost brings a tear to my eye as I feel overwhelmed with happiness. This is the reason I have found heaven in a humble teacher’s lounge.

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One night, we all went out for dinner to say farewell to one of the teachers who was moving. We enjoyed a fancy meal at an expensive restaurant and then went to a marvelous outdoor cafe, where we enjoyed wonderful plum wine and delicious exotic fruit in the open, cool night air. The night proceeded with intellectual conversations about the English language and a vast array of Asian philosophies. We all slipped into jolly moods as the wine eased our social tensions. The amazing food and drink blended naturally with the extraordinary company and the calm night air to create a beautifully cultured atmosphere of mutual sincerity. Their lovely Korean eyes brightened up like stars as I spoke with my clear English voice to help them pronounce English words, their genuine interest blissfully wrapped around every word I spoke. As we enjoyed each other’s company, I kept pondering, “How can I truly lend a guiding hand to these wonderful, warm-hearted Korean beauties as they pursue their fulfilling journey to improve their English?” As I was helping them pronounce English words, I was awakened by a spiritual awareness, a realization of the personal healing that was occurring within me because I was helping someone other than myself. My negative attitude vanished, and I was filled with even greater joy because I realized that I was helping the very ones who had changed my perspective on teaching and given me something to live for.

The night slowly reached its most peaceful moment, and the deepest serenity descended upon us and filled our souls. For the first time in many years, I felt inner-peace and satisfaction, a feeling I wished could have lasted forever. And it was precisely at this moment…that I…giving in to my ever-compelling, ever-uncontrolled, and ever-present socially induced compulsiveness…suggested to those lovely, beautiful Korean teachers that…an excellent way for them to improve their English…would be to listen to George Carlin.

What happened next was truly astounding. They all took turns asking me questions about George Carlin, each of them in turn, with their soft pretty voices, trying to correctly pronounce his name, and each with repeated success……….

…as the name of George Carlin ascended slowly from our blessed company,
…echoed softly in the cool night air,
…broke stealthily through the Earth’s atmosphere,
…danced swiftly among the stars above,
…and penetrated deeply the collective subconscious of the Korean people

And, because I told them that George Carlin was a master of the English language, they all went home, they all looked up George Carlin on the internet, they all studied his comedy with sincere diligence, and they all began quoting him in the teacher’s lounge. So now, instead of the wonderful Korean language that once upon a time filled the teacher’s lounge with beauty and dignity, the atmosphere had become impregnated with George Carlin rhetoric in the form of:

1) Filthy language and dirty euphemisms

2) Social criticism

3) Disgusting fart jokes

4) Horrible remarks about male and female genitalia

5) Political apathy

6) An ever-extending list of stupid people who “ought to be killed”    (as well as very colorful and creative descriptions of ways to kill them)

7) Vicious, unrelenting dissection and abandonment of religious principles

8) Constant references to “The Seven Dirty Words”

…and…

9) An irreversible “domino effect” of collapsing morals and personal values

The filthy language and wretchedness that had taken over our beloved teacher’s lounge eventually became so intense and awful that it formed a small, belligerent, venomous cloud of evil.

Much to my chagrin, the cloud rose through the ceiling of the teacher’s lounge and ruthlessly penetrated the remaining 3 floors of the “Sky Well-being Park Building” before it shot through the sky and pierced the clouds with gathering quantity and velocity. With all the fury of hell, it blasted through all the layers of the Earth’s atmosphere and permeated outward into the deepest, darkest regions of space as it evolved into a spiraling cosmic force of imperceptible magnitude and intensity. It reached the galaxies and attained a galactic nature of eternal expansionism. Expanding faster and faster, it achieved an existence of such unbelievable size and mass that it broke through the barrier separating reality from non-reality, removing the thin veil between the physical and spiritual realms, causing all the stars to explode and then implode which pulled all the black holes inside out, reversing all the physical laws of nature and upsetting the fine balance of the space-time continuum, making all the atoms and molecules in space burst and spiral out of control which compromised the duality of all ideas and philosophies, tipping the fragile chalice of eternity that contains the balance between good and evil, which in turn split the sky wide open and resulted in an incredible, unstoppable flow of dark energy pouring through that infested every human soul with George Carlin’s ideas and perspectives as well as an undeniable inability to abstain from laughing at his jokes, which in turn condemned everyone to hell, resulting in the permanent undoing of all forms of idealism…therefore destroying the single, solitary force that motivates anyone to teach or work with kids.

I am such an asshole!!!