Santa Claus and the Seven Stages of Grief

As a teacher, one often gets asked to participate in school events.  Being that it was the Christmas season, and being that I was a teacher at the time, I was asked to play Santa Claus at the upcoming Children’s Christmas Party…and being that I was new to the school, I wanted to be a team player (and not get fired)…   …   …

so I said YES.

Now…many professional psychologists will tell you that there are only 5 stages of Grief that a person goes through when facing a traumatic event.  They will often say that at some point in our lives, we will face some type of pain or loss, whether it be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a limb, or maybe even a painful break-up with someone to whom we were romantically attached.  After this happens, they claim that the emotional suffering that follows will seem unbearable, but that grief is a necessary part of the healing process.

Psychologists have named 5 specific stages of grief that people go through after a traumatic event.

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1. DENIAL and ISOLATION
2. ANGER
3. BARGAINING
4. DEPRESSION
5. ACCEPTANCE

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Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages.  If a person gets stuck and never reaches the stage of acceptance, that person will continue to have pain in his or her life for a very long time.  True healing can only occur when a person is honest enough to face the truth and accept it wholeheartedly.

This is a very wise and mature perspective that we have been given by professionals within the field of psychology…however…

I COMPLETELY FUCKING DISAGREE!!!

First of all, none of these assholes were asked to play Santa Claus at a horrifying, overcrowded Christmas Party full of hyperactive, demonic children who eat bags of sugar for lunch and human souls for desert.

Second of all, being the archaeologist of pain that I am…I have discovered that there are SEVEN (not five, but SEVEN) stages of grief.

I would like to introduce to you, the new and improved…

SEVEN STAGES OF GRIEF:

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Stage #1: INITIAL SHOCK  (at hearing the bad news that I have to play Santa Claus at the upcoming Christmas Party)

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Stage #1:  AFTERSHOCK (of the initial shock at hearing the bad news that I have to play Santa Claus at the Christmas Party)

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Stage #2:  DENIAL

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Stage #2:  More DENIAL

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Stage #2:  Still more DENIAL

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Stage #2:  Not finished with DENIAL yet

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Stage #2:  Just a little bit more DENIAL

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Stage #3:  ISOLATION

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Stage #4:  ANGER

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Stage #5:  BARGAINING

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Stage #5:  BARGAINING…with just a bit of pleading

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Stage #6:  DEPRESSION

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Stage #6:  DEPRESSION… about being depressed

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Stage #7:  ACCEPTANCE

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One Response to “Santa Claus and the Seven Stages of Grief”

  1. visual and powerful demonstration of growing up and know the hard truth,

    keep blogging..

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